Exploring

I'm exploring a new career path by taking a free introductory course online. It's been good-really good-so far. I feel interested and motivated. I have moments where I recognize crossovers between this potential career and my current teaching role. I'm encouraged to continue. I also feel like I can do this.

All these are a bit strange for me.

I never wanted to be a teacher. I wasn't interested or motivated or feeling like I fit the role. I don't feel encouraged to continue teaching and wanting to keep trying. I certainly don't feel like I can do it. It's strange but wonderful to feel these things about a job or career opportunity.

I'm still intimidated. As I'm sure I've mentioned, I'm not particularly ambitious and I have a tendency to be slothful and take the easy route. Not made any easier to avoid by the fact that my husband is quite the "can do" type and compensates for my laziness. This career change is on me though. I have to pursue the training, complete tasks and checkmarks, and dig myself out of this teaching hole!

All that said, I feel a fire starting to burn. With my history of mental health struggles and lack of ambition and direction I have had a meandering, sometimes hapless path to my current digs. Now I am feeling more responsibility and advocacy; power over my life. My husband embodies this type of confidence and assertion, this "attack mode" of life. I'm much more passive usually... but now? A change seems to be brewing.

I asked him, "Do you really think I can do this? Make the leap?" He said, "If you try. If you hustle. You can."

So, I'm trying. I have plans to complete another course after this one and then pursue in-person, formal training next calendar year. Not-so-secretly I have hopes that I can complete the remote course and then quit teaching to take the in-person training sometime during the school year, but this is just fantasy at this point as we don't have a starting date for the next in-person session yet. The most recent started a couple weeks ago and I missed the intake.

Feeling cautious but starting to lose my skepticism and hopelessness. 

I want change.