The Debate

 Debate has erupted about whether or not I should click NO when asked if I'll be renewing my contract in January/February. I had been planning on it since I started the bootcamp and it was heartening. Now the idea is that I resign in May at the end of the year assuming I have prospects. 

The hubby has been quite... I don't want to say discouraging, but definitely a bit pessimistic about the job search process. I can't imagine going back for another year of teaching thinking "this is my last" but not really knowing. Personally, I'd rather leave them at a summer break or semester break than at the drop of a hat if I get a job next November. I could pick up an hourly gig somewhere in the meantime. I know that doesn't look as good on a resume or application though. Continuous employment helps.

I get paid through August. If I give notice by February there is a bit of a stipend awarded for early notice. The hubs isn't interested though. It's not substantial enough and I understand that too. It's not a great spot to be in. It sucks. I suspect it will suck even more the closer I get and if I don't click NO. 

It.

Will.

Suck.

All that said, I'm enjoying the bootcamp a lot. It is tiring driving down there three times a week and the late nights, but I think it's worth it. The teachers and other students are nice and make me hopeful. It's reassuring knowing these would be "my people" when the change happens.

I had a bit of anxiety last night thinking about January and the long haul to March. With bootcamp so far I've had Thanksgiving break and will have Christmas break. After January, it's full bore until March and the finish line. I'm worried about keeping up with work. Physically and mentally and emotionally I feel like my resources are draining. 

The course is energizing and stimulating, but it doesn't always counteract the negative effects entirely. I don't want to voice any concerns though. The hubby is sick of it and I only get dinged for being negative. I suppose it doesn't sound like things are so good lately, but it's not that bad.

Just have to keep swimming.